Even Better

 

I was talking to a friend a while ago about boundaries and improving ourselves and we ended up on the topic of drinking. I don’t drink but I have lots of friends who do and this piece of advice got stuck in my head.

Don’t drink to make your day better, only drink to make your day even better.

Meaning don’t expect a drink to make all your problems go away, instead use it as a way to enjoy the life you already have. That way it’s less likely to become a crutch and an addiction and instead something you can just enjoy as it is meant to be.

It occurred to me today that this philosophy can be used for a lot of other things too. Mainly our search for our future wife or husband. Yup, my fellow single people I’m talking to you (including myself, trust me I struggle with this too) I end up in this conversation with a lot of different people. Discussing the misconception of when you find “The One” they will “complete you” like it’s a missing piece that you won’t be whole without. The idea that you’re your best self when that other person is there so there’s no way you can be that person without them. So why try? However, that way of thinking can be incredibly unhealthy and unproductive.

Don’t date someone to make your life better, only date someone to make your life even better.

So, let’s break that down shall we? Don’t date someone to make your life better.

Don’t date someone just because they make you happy in the moment, or give you the ambition to keep your house clean, or stop that nasty habit you’ve got. That is an unfair burden to put on them. Right from the start you are putting them in a position of being your savior rather than your partner. Yea, we all come into a relationship with baggage and things to work through, but to come into it expecting them to be the one who finally gets you through it is an unfair expectation. God is the one who is meant to help you through it. Can your other relationships inspire and support you through that change? Of course. I believe God puts people in our lives for that very purpose. But God is ultimately the one you should be asking for healing.

Only date someone to make your life even better.

EVEN BETTER. Well, in order to make your life even better your life has got to be good already right? Now that’s not saying your life is perfect and you have no issues. Instead I mean that in a way of where you are headed. Are you headed in the direction God has called you to go? Or are you still finding yourself wandering off? Are you growing into the person God wants you to be? Or are you still not sure who you are? Are you wrestling with some demons? Or do you have that under control? Are you still ignoring your pain or are you allowing God to heal you? If you aren’t secure in who you are then why would it be a good idea to bring someone else into that? Especially if they don’t know who they are either. Not to mention if you don’t know where you’re going then how do you know their path even leads in the same direction? I am a strong believer that if you are on the path God wants you on, and are making strides to be the person He has called you to be, then in His timing the person you are supposed to be with will end up on the same path as you. Your life is pretty good (not easy, good) if you’re where God wants you. Only then would having someone else enter the picture make it even better.

So, where are you in your walk? Are you growing into who you are supposed to be yet? Is it possible that the reason you haven’t found the right one yet is because they are where God wants them to be but you’re not? Or vice versa? My advice to all you fellow single people out there is this (take it or leave it) strive to be the best version of yourself you can be. All the time. Deal with those issues you’ve been struggling with and let yourself heal. Make yourself better for yourself and for God, don’t wait for someone else to do it for you. Walk the path God has for you and let Him decide when you’re ready for your life to get EVEN BETTER.

Sit With You In The Dark

 

The snow falls and the darkness descends on yet another day. Christmas is over, this year is nearly over, and for the first time in my memory, I find myself not looking forward to the coming year. Afraid that if I get my hopes up it will jinx any hope of brighter days. I came into this year believing it would be a year of change, a year of truth, a year of opened eyes and new hope. And in a lot of ways it has. And I held onto that hope, even as it became a mere thread in my fingers. But it becomes exhausting clinging to a thread. Your hands cramping, your heart jumping every time you think you’ve lost hold. But I tried time and time again to put a smile on my face and pretend everything was ok, urging my light to shine brighter for those around me because I knew that they had it worse than I did. They needed my light and positivity more than I did. I didn’t deserve it. I didn’t deserve to even let my light flicker because I had it better than most. But that didn’t make my challenges any less real.

You know that saying “the grass is always greener”? Well, as it turns out, it works both ways. Just as you shouldn’t always be comparing your lawn to someone else’s greener and seemingly better one, you shouldn’t compare it to a browner and seemingly worse one either. Always reminding yourself that at least you’re better off than someone else isn’t helpful. There will always be someone who’s got it worse no matter what the circumstance. And if no one was allowed to be upset unless there was no one else who had it worse than them then we would all have to be happy all the time. And you know as well as I do that, not only is that impossible, it’s also not fair. It disvalues your feelings and challenges when they are just as valid as anyone else’s. Because it’s ok to be upset. It’s ok to realize that something that’s easy for others may be the biggest challenge of your life for you. It’s ok to let your light flicker and just sit in the dark sometimes.

I have always been seen as the ray of sunshine, the positive one when things are falling apart, the one who’s always got a smile. I’m realizing that that’s a huge expectation to live up to. I’m not always going to be positive and there are things that are harder for me than for others. I have things I struggle with just as much as anyone else. I can’t be a light for everyone all the time and it isn’t fair to expect me to be. The harder I push to make my light shine, the harder it is to be genuinely happy. It turns into just a front. An act. And it’s exhausting. Especially in a year that just keeps hitting you when you’re down, as I know it’s done for every one of you too.

So as this year comes to a close, please take a moment to reflect. Reflect on how you’re feeling because your feelings are valid. Your challenges matter. You can’t just ignore them. Take a moment to reflect on who you’ve been relying on for their light and who’s been relying on you. If you can’t hold them up right now because you too lack the strength to stand, be honest. Be honest with them and yourself because a fire out of wood won’t burn for long. And if you’ve been leaning on someone, make sure they are ok too. Because even though they look like they’re always burning bright and therefore must be just fine, chances are they’re almost out of fuel and they feel as I do. Afraid of leaving you in the dark so much that they convince themselves their own challenges are small and unimportant in comparison to yours, even as their flame is suffocating in a lack of oxygen.

Sometimes we can’t be the light for each other. Sometimes we can’t be the one to add to their flame because our own flame is flickering too low. And that’s ok. It’s ok if instead of encouraging each other you simply acknowledge that you are both struggling and just sit beside each other so you know you’re not alone. Because sometimes, sometimes it’s enough to just sit with each other in the dark.

 

"When you can't look on the bright side, I will sit with you in the dark" ~ Unknown

Photo By Emma

Make America Rake Again

 

The other day I was helping a friend of mine rake his lawn. We had put it off because life had gotten crazy and schedules just weren’t matching up, but it was important to get the job done before the snow fell or it would kill the grass. So there we were, the day after the 2020 presidential election, raking the mountains of leaves that had piled up. Some of the trees were still green, so we knew we would probably have to do it again, but it would make the job much easier if we got it started now.

As we raked we were discussing politics (it was the day after the election, what else would we be talking about?) and suddenly he gets this huge smile on his face like he’d thought of something really cleaver and goes “You know what we’re doing? We’re making America Great Again,” I looked at him skeptically, trying to figure out what he meant by that, all we were doing was raking his lawn, “by raking?” I asked with a laugh “Make America Rake Again,” I joked. He informed me that if one of the candidates had that slogan he’d definitely vote for them.

It was just a joke, a play on the already used slogan, but as I raked I started thinking about it. Make America Rake Again… What would a slogan like that actually mean? Well, it would mean taking on the work yourself. It takes the pressure off of the government to do the work and literally puts it on the American people, in my opinion, just as it should be. The government is there to protect, not to live our lives for us. Not to clean up our lawn or take out the trash. Not to make our life easier, just make our life safer. We need to put in the work ourselves to make the country we want to live in. And part of that is electing leaders who we believe will hold those same values, but that is certainly not all of it.

Another thought that came to mind is that, while it’s important to look at the big picture and want to see change all throughout the country, or even just your state, where it starts is right where you are. It starts in your own neighborhood, your own town, your own yard. As we raked and mowed the lawn we watched as at least three other people followed suit. They saw us taking care of our own little piece of the country and decided it might be a good idea to take care of their own. That happens with everything. You give someone a smile, they are bound to see it and smile at someone else. You’re mean to someone, they will likely then take out that hurt on someone else. The more good and hard work we put into the world, the more it spreads.

And the job is never over! The slogan doesn’t end at the end of the election, it has to continue. We have to keep working to keep our country free (literally, and of leaves) and beautiful. More leaves will fall and we’ll have to clean them up all over again, but the job is easier if you keep doing a little over time rather than all at once. And if we don’t clean up those dead leaves, just let them keep piling up, then the grass and plants beneath them will suffocate, causing death and decay. If we let the problems sit around, waiting for someone else (the government) to deal with them, we will just end up buried beneath the leaves.

“So what’s your health plan?” he asks after we’ve amused ourselves with this hypothetical presidential run for a while. “Well, if people are raking then they’re healthy” I say, stating the obvious first. If you are taking time to literally rake, aka exercise, then you will be healthier. And if you’re cleaning up your piece of the world, you’ll feel better. And if you’re letting that light spread, you will feel better mentally too. Getting back to work and having a purpose makes all the difference in living a healthy lifestyle.

We can’t expect other people, the government, our president, to do it for us. We’ve got to rake our own lawns, take care of our own bodies, our own families, our own space, and our own communities. The desire to do good for ourselves and those around us will spread and soon our country will grow and flourish, little by little. We’ll clean up the dead leaves and make way for the new growth. So go Make America Rake Again. It’s time to take the cleanliness of our country into our own hands.

 

Costumes And Characters: Dragon

 

A dragon. A fierce, fire breathing, elegant, strong creature known to inspire the imagination and bring both admiration and fear to those lucky enough to see one. Why is a dragon this year’s character outlining the chapters of my life? Well, for anyone who’s been keeping up on my Costumes And Characters  posts, you may realize that this is actually a continuation of another character from a couple years back. The Enchantress.

The Enchantress is a quiet, brave, caring, smart, strong, but broken lady who, you guessed it, likes to turn into a dragon. So the dragon character is not all that different then Crystal the Enchantress, as they are the same being after all. But that is kind of the point of this whole series is it not? Realizing that I am also every one of these characters? So, why am I a dragon now?

This year has been hard on everyone. And that is not even an exaggeration. Life just keeps kicking us while we’re already down. I can’t even begin to write a list of all the ways life just keeps throwing flaming arrows at me and those around me. I’ve been calling “plot twist!” a bit too often these days… For some, they have let themselves get bruised and bloody, taking hit after hit. Others turn to anger and try to use it as a way to strike back, but you can’t be in a sword fight without also getting stabbed. But some, some choose instead to put on their armor to protect what is inside so they can be brave and strong despite the battle that is 2020. Much like a dragons hard scales are meant to protect.

For a while I was letting myself get bloody and beaten, then I turned to anger for a while, but now I realize I need to protect what is inside me before I worry about the problems of the world. I need to build up armor around my faith, around my heart, around my mind. And let the fire of the Holy Spirit build up its embers inside me. Only then, when I am protected with the armor of God, armed with the fire of the Holy Spirit, can I face the battle with confidence. Just as a dragon flies into battle, knowing its scales and fire will protect it from the enemy.

I may not be ready to take off in flight just yet, but I am stretching my wings and building up my armor. I will fight this battle with truth, with love, with faith, with all the tools God gives me to fight the enemies flaming arrows. And I encourage you to do the same. This dragon will be ready to fly soon, knowing her God is protecting her, fighting right alongside her. A fierce, graceful, strong creature, ready to take on the world with a fire burning in her heart.