Little Voice

You know that little voice in your head? The one that tells you to do something or not do something. Sometimes it sounds like your mother, sometimes you know it's God. And sometimes you listen and sometimes... Well sometimes you don't. Well just like all of you I have that little voice. Most of the time it's just telling me I should go somewhere or not go somewhere, whether I actually listen or not doesn't have any serious consequences. But if I had... Well if I had listened I might not have ended up regretting my decision.

My mom tells a story about that little voice in her head once telling her not to park in a specific parking spot. She didn't listen and came back out to her car to find a dent in the door. Most of the time you can laugh it off and promise to listen closer next time, no matter how ridiculous it might sound. But then there are other times when the consequences might be more than just a ding in your car door...

Sometime last month that little voice in my head told me I should text a friend of mine. See how she was doing. I hadn't talked to her in forever. She was a friend from a long time ago, another life really, so I thought it might be awkward to send her a text out of the blue. So I didn't listen, or simply forgot to since I was working at the time. Either way, I didn't... And now I will always wonder what would've happened if I had...

A few days ago I received news that no one wants to hear. She had passed away that same month.  I still can't wrap my head around it. I think I might be in shock, or simply denial. We hadn't really spoken in years, but I still prayed for her from time to time. Still fondly remembered the times we had together. I always figured our paths would cross again in the future and we had plenty of future for it to happen. Only that future was suddenly cut very short.

A while back the same thing happened. The father of a family friend. We had drifted away from the friend, but I still tried to keep in touch with his father. I wanted to hear stories of his time in the Navy and any other stories he would tell me. I hadn't checked in in a while when I heard that little voice. I never got to send the message. Days later I heard the news.

We always think we have all the time in the world, until we don't. Where do we get that idea from anyway? Years go by and things happen. Life happens. And then it's too late... I know I’m being really gloomy and serious here. Trust me, I know it doesn’t always happen that way. But the times it does certainly make me wish it never did.

I think all those little times, the ones that didn't really mean much one way or the other, were God's way of testing me to see if I was actually listening. Sometimes I was and sometimes I wasn't. Unfortunately the times I wasn't were the important times. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you never know what life will throw at you and at those around you. And if that little voice in your head tells you to do something, you should probably do it, because you might not get another chance. I know that I, for one, will be listening a lot closer from now on.