Life Lessons From A Squirrel

 

It was Squirrel Appreciation Day. Mom was the first downstairs that morning and found someone who didn’t belong sitting on this ceramic hippo we have in the living room. A squirrel, ironically. Now, we’ve had mice in our house for as long as I can remember, just comes with living in an old farmhouse. We tend to get a bat or two in august and send them back outside where they belong. I don’t remember ever having a squirrel, though. So, as usual when we have an unwanted critter in the house, I found myself praying for God to send this squirrel back outside where it belongs.

The next morning I found it jumping around the kitchen table. It had eaten the bait out of the have a heart trap (without setting it off) and was looking for more food. Later it tried to get out a window but was so impatient we couldn’t get it open without scaring it off. Then I was cutting apples to make an apple pie and I see its little head pop up on the shelf, smelling the yummy apples. It found the apple in the trap and once again scampered off with it without it closing. After reengineering the trap so it would actually close, we did finally catch it, but as dad went to take it outside it managed to squeeze back out of the flimsy cage. I found myself talking to the rascally little critter, “don’t you realize we’re trying to help you?” I’d ask, “don’t you want to go back outside where you belong?” And then, as usual when something crazy like this happens in my life, I realized people act just like this squirrel.

God created squirrels to live outside. They eat nuts and fruit and live in trees. They are meant to live happy, healthy, little squirrel lives. They were never meant to live inside with humans. Never supposed to live off peanut butter they manage to chew the cover off of or resort to chewing on things like candy or processed food like uncivilized mice. It isn’t good for them. And it isn’t good for them to live in hiding, they’re meant to scamper and play with their little squirrel friends, leaving all those snowy footprints I see circling around the backyard. At first this squirrel of ours seemed to want to go outside, trying to get out the window, it knew it didn’t belong here. But the longer it stayed the more it seemed to be content just living up on our kitchen shelf. It became comfortable with something it was never created to be comfortable with. And it was scared of the very people who were trying to help it get back where it belonged.

In much the same way, people drift from who and where they’re supposed to be. God created us with a purpose. He gave us a body, mind, and soul to take care of in order to fulfil that purpose. But what happens when we get ourselves stuck somewhere we don’t belong? Like this squirrel in the house? Sometimes we might get ourselves out right away, we know it’s wrong and correct the situation immediately. Or sometimes it feels wrong at first, but the more time we spend in the situation, the less wrong it feels. That sharp pang of our God given conscience telling us to get out eventually dulls to an insignificant whisper.

All too often I watch people, and myself, get more and more comfortable being where we don’t belong. Eating food we shouldn’t be, exposing our minds to things we should stay away from, being in relationships that pull us away from God instead of bringing us towards Him, living in situations we should’ve never gotten into in the first place, getting addicted to things that aren’t healthy for our minds, bodies, or souls. And the more we get comfortable with those things, the more we push away God and the very people who just want to help. The more comfortable we become with what’s wrong, the more what’s right starts to feel wrong and uncomfortable.

God created us to be happy and healthy people. He wants us to have healthy minds that can think and create, healthy bodies to be his hands and feet, and healthy souls to keep Him in the middle of it. He doesn’t want us in situations He didn’t create us for. He doesn’t want us to become comfortable with things He never intended for us. And He certainly never meant for us to try to fight the temptation of these things alone. He puts people in our lives to steer us in the right direction and help us out of the bad situations we’ve become all too comfortable with.

Eventually we did finally catch that squirrel and send it back outside where it belongs. It took a lot of time and patience, but we did succeed. And coming back to where we belong, or helping someone we love find their way back, might take some time and patience too. Will you take a step back with me and make sure we’re where God says we belong? You might just find you’re a squirrel stuck in a house you were never meant to be in.

Mad As A Hatter

My obsession with the Mad Hatter started long ago. I loved watching different interpretations of the Lewis Carrol character and soon started creating my own version. I’d create my own costumes, grow my hat collection, he would find his way into much of my writing, and I’d even have an Alice In Wonderland themed birthday party that was the most elaborate party I think I’ve ever had (I was the Mad Hatter of course) But it wasn’t just a love of the eccentric character that had me intrigued, there was much more going on below the surface.

Around the same time, I found a love for the Mad Hatter I also started having some mental health issues. I didn’t put the two together at the time, and I wouldn’t take my mental health problems seriously until much much later, but I realize now they were connected.

I am autistic, self-diagnosed, but it’s still valid. I had suspected for years but didn’t take it seriously until recently. Looking back, I realize that my mental health issues stem from my autism making college very difficult. School was never very enjoyable for me, but going from homeschooling to college was a challenge. Not academically, I feel being homeschooled really prepared me for that, but socially. And before you go saying “homeschoolers aren’t socialized enough” it wasn’t that either. I had friends, good friends, but none of them came from college. The fake college relationships were where I was having issues. Trying to fit in, being exposed to behaviors that were morally wrong, being surrounded by people who had no intention of creating real lasting relationships. It was all very overwhelming for my autistic mind to handle. What does this all have to do with the Mad Hatter? Well, much like a trip through Wonderland, I promise we’ll get there eventually, it just might take a few twists and turns.

When an autistic person ignores the warning signs their body is putting out it can become a very real problem very quickly. I started having mental breakdowns. Times when I lost control of reality. Maybe I’d cry for no reason, or lose control of my body and end up on the floor without being sure how I got there, or find myself lying on the floor laughing uncontrollably. Sometimes it was scary, sometimes it was a minor inconvenience before moving on to “real life” again, always it was disorienting and confusing. I spent years trying to figure out what caused them, or at least know the signs so I could avoid them. In the midst of all this was when I became obsessed with the Mad Hatter. See? Told you we’d get there.

As my mental health grew… weirder… I couldn’t help but compare myself to the Mad Hatter. I had always been eccentric, especially as a child, I loved hats, his style was much like mine, and I always saw myself as a little strange. I realized later I had been suppressing all that, likely leading to the outbursts, but the only explanation I could come up with for my behavior at the time was… well… I had to ask myself “have I gone mad?” but according to the book “the best people usually are” so I rolled with it and, instead of calling my episodes “mental breakdowns,” I started saying I was “going into Mad Hatter mode.” It seemed appropriate, don’t you think?

Soon my friends knew what I meant when I said I was “going Mad Hatter" and they did their best to help me get through it or, sometimes, avoid it all together. For the most part though, I was on my own and had to learn to just embrace it. It was part of life now. And the Mad Hatter love, and trouble, continued.

Now I know my Mad Hatter mode is when my autistic mind is begging for a break. Its appearance meant I had missed the signs leading up to it and my outbursts were my body literally screaming for stimulation and attention. It was my body asking to be normal, even if my normal was a bit stranger than anyone else’s. I’m doing a better job of listening before it gets that far now, but it is still a work in progress. At least I know I’m not going mad, not completely anyway.

Sometimes I wonder if maybe the Mad Hatter wasn’t truly mad, but just misunderstood, stuck in a world that didn’t understand him for far too long. Perhaps I am more like the Mad Hatter then I realize. When I think about it, my journey through Wonderland really helped me find myself again, helped me get back to that eccentric little girl who disappeared somewhere along the way. The Mad Hatter is certainly inside me now, the good parts and bad. The eccentric style is no longer hidden, my spinning mind is no longer fought against but instead just redirected (for the most part), my love of color and hats of every kind is on full display, and I’m not nearly as afraid to speak my mind and hold to the truth, even if it leads to a solitary life consisting only of my fellow mad tea party friends. The episodes of uncontrollable emotions have slowed down now that I’ve stopped suppressing the eccentric behavior and just let myself be myself. Being the Mad Hatter helped me make sense of a world that doesn’t make sense, a world much like the one the Mad Hatter tells us of.

"There is a place, like no place on earth. A land full of wonder, mystery, and danger. Some say, to survive it, you need to be as mad as a hatter. Which, luckily, I am."

Little Things

As some of you know, I’ve had a really rough last few years. Bouts of depression, lost loved ones, broken friendships, lost jobs. I’ve been in a fog, and sometimes complete darkness, for the majority of the past two years if not more. There have been moments of joy, yes, but few that weren’t immediately clouded by my foggy mind. But then, then I had a day that gave me some hope. And it’s the craziest reason why.

My job for the fall had just fallen through, my sister moved away, summer was over and I had no idea how I was going to save up enough money to do what I wanted to this winter. I was in a fog and trying not to get lost in it. Then a friend encouraged me to go swimming with him. We’ve been doing this for a while. I help him with his strokes and I get a few laps in. But this time was different. This time I jumped in and did 200 yards before he even got in the pool. Then I proceeded to do at least 200 more while working with him. I was tired but energized at the same time. It was a feeling I knew I had felt before but it had been so long. Too long. I felt free, like I could breathe again, and like I didn’t want to stop moving after days on end of not wanting to get off the couch. Then it got even better.

We went out to dinner to continue our visit and, in addition to the good company; I got a cannoli for dessert. Anyone who knows me knows if Jessica is in a bad mood, Jessica needs a cannoli. And I was not in a bad mood, I was in a great mood after my swim, and the cannoli just made it so much better! I was happy dancing in my seat, singing loud to my favorite music on my drive home, and bounced my way in the door. I was happy, truly fully happy, and it felt so good.

When you get to places as dark as I have, you find you lose yourself somewhere along the way. I found myself pondering a disturbing thought recently, who is Jessica? The real Jessica? Do I even know anymore? Now I do. I caught a glimpse of the girl I know is truly me, deep down, under the darkness. She made an appearance and now I will continue this healing process to find her again.

When healing from pain, depression, disappointments, sometimes it takes big grand changes to make things right again. A new job, a new friend, or moving to a new place. But sometimes, sometimes it’s the little things that help uncover that light hidden beneath the pain. A good swim, a good friend, and a cannoli.

Travel Tips: Road Trips

 

I’ve been on road trips since I was a kid. We used to drive down to Florida every winter to visit my Grandparents and we’d be gone for several weeks at a time. I am no stranger to long car rides so, when it came to deciding how to go visit a friend across the country, I chose a car over a plane. And to make it even crazier, I did it alone.

I went back and forth on the best way to cross the country by myself as a single female. The only hotels in my budget were old and run down and I wasn’t thrilled about the other people staying there knowing I was alone. If you’re alone and planning on staying in hotels, I definitely recommend spending the money on the more expensive ones with actual security. I did not have that option, however, so I turned my punch bug into a camper. This way, whether I stayed at a campground or at a truck stop, I could be safely locked inside my car and just had to jump to the front seat and drive away if I didn’t feel safe. If you have the option to sleep in your car, I highly recommend it. It opens up tons of options as far as sleeping and napping locations.

If you are sleeping in your car, know that a good sleep is your top priority when there’s a lot of driving involved. Make sure your sleeping arrangement is comfortable; don’t want to be dozing off while driving. This was a big reason I chose my car over hotels for this particular trip. I never sleep well in hotels; it’s always different and unpredictable. The bed in my car, though not the most comfortable I’ve ever slept on, was at least familiar. I knew what to expect. Plus I could stop and sleep or nap whenever I wanted since there were no reservations needed, most campgrounds always have a site available and truck stops and thruway stops always have a parking spot for a quick nap. And most Cracker Barrels allow camping as well!

Once you figure out how you’re traveling you need to focus on what to pack. First and foremost, safety. As I mentioned in the camping tips, its’s always a good idea to have a first aid kit. You can put one together yourself or buy a pretty good one at the store. I bought one at the store but added a few of my own things like arnica and my cpr mask. Arnica is amazing for bruises or sore muscles. It takes out the swelling almost instantly.

In addition to treating injuries, it’s important to have protection. For my road trip I knew I’d be traveling by myself, stopping at camp grounds and truck stops, I needed something legal that could be used as protection. In addition to a spray; I also had a keychain alarm that goes off if I pull it. Thankfully I had no reason to use either but it was good to know I had them.

Pack light. After years of packing experience I’ve learned that less is more. I hardly ever wear everything I bring and it just ends up taking up space. Since I would be driving for most of my trip I wore mostly leggings and comfy shirts which didn’t take up much space. I had a bag hidden under my seat of nicer clothes for once I reached my destination. I found that when road tripping and staying in hotels, however, it was easier to switch out clothes from a bigger bag that stayed in the car to a smaller bag of stuff I needed in the hotel. Less to lug back and forth that way.

Wear layers. Any outfit can be warmed up with a good jacket that goes with everything. Even better if it has pockets so you don’t have to carry your purse every time you go to the gas station (which will be a lot depending on how long the trip is)

Something most may not think about while on a long trip, shaving. Unless you’re in a hotel with a hot shower, shaving is never a fun process while on the road. My battery powered razor has been a lifesaver for all forms of travel. Sure, maybe it doesn’t do as good of a job as a real razor, but it does well enough when traveling.

Try to plan your trip around your normal sleep schedule. I planned my days to drive mid morning, stop somewhere for a rest in the afternoon, then drive into the night. I’m a night person so that schedule worked well for me. When my sister and I took a road trip she drove in the morning and I drove at night, since she’s a morning person and I’m a night person. You always want to be driving when you’re most awake. Bring plenty of snacks and drinks too since, not only do you need to eat and drink, it’s helpful to be munching on something to stay alert.

If traveling by yourself, have a friend or family member on standby to keep updated on your progress or if something goes wrong. It’s important to have a plan but also be aware that things might not go as planned. I also recommend signing up for AAA. All it takes is a quick phone call to get car help if you need it.

Road trips are so much fun however you take them. Alone, with friends, with family. They can be high stress but also high reward. Be prepared, have fun with it, and get out there and explore!