Travel Tips Intro

 

Travel Tips

I am no stranger to traveling. I used to drive to Florida with my family every winter, a few cruises to various Caribbean destinations, trips to my family’s house in Roatan Honduras, endless camping trips, and a solo cross country road trip to Montana. As I was getting ready for my Montana trip, I found myself scouring the internet for tips on traveling solo and just traveling in general. I found some stuff, but mainly I relied on the things I’ve learned throughout my life of travel. So, I thought I’d put together some travel tips of my own, including tips if you’re a girl traveler or traveling solo. I’ll be breaking it down into a bit of a series. Tips for camping, tips for solo road trips or road trips in general, and tips for flying. If you have any tips you’d like to share, please do! And I’ll add them in. Let’s go on an adventure!

Too Much

I’m often told I’m too much. Too sensitive, too picky, too emotional, too much of a perfectionist, and that I expect too much from other people. I may be all of those things, and I don’t mind, except for that last one. That last one really bugs me. Is it really expecting too much for those I have a relationship with to put in an equal amount as I do? Is it really too much to hope that they will love me half as much as I love them? Is it too much to expect them to grow into who God created them to be? Is it possible that I just love everyone too much? Or am I expecting “too much” because they’re not giving enough?

All relationships rely on balance. In an effort to keep that balance, I tend to label my relationships. I do that so I can be careful of how much I should be putting in and how much I should be expecting to get out of the relationship. As long as I know what category they fall into, I am pretty good at managing my expectations and keeping that balance. As the relationship grows, and those expectations and effort grow along with it, the balance can become a little difficult. But as long as both people have the same definition for what the relationship is, there shouldn’t be a problem. If your definition of what a friend, sibling, significant other, or whatever you label the relationship as is different, however, then issues will start to arise. If the relationship means something different to each of you, then naturally you will be expecting different things and putting in different amounts of effort. If someone expects more they may be investing more to match that expectation, while the other may be expecting less and therefor giving less, creating a drastic loss of balance. Knowing your definition for each kind of relationship is crucial when trying to keep the balance between expectations and effort.

I know that I can expect a lot sometimes, and I am working on that, but people are so quick to remind me of that fact without stopping to ask why that is. I am completely capable of managing my expectations and having mutual relationships, but sometimes that balance gets disrupted despite my best efforts to avoid it. When I get in the most trouble is when I let my heart take control of the relationship. I love people easily, and when I love I love hard, so if I’ve been friends with someone for a while I am bound to get ahead of myself and bring the relationship to a higher level before its ready. I start putting in more than the other person is ready to give back and it makes me wonder if they care about the relationship as much as I do. When, in reality, I was the one who gave the relationship a premature promotion, raising the expectation before its time. With a reality check on my part, I can usually bring those expectations back into balance without them even knowing what happened, but it still can cause issues. I still love them, so do I really have to pretend I don’t just to make them more comfortable?

It’s hard enough to take a step back on my own when I realize I jumped up a level prematurely, but what if you agreed on a label thinking you both understood what it meant, only to find yourselves with drastically different expectations? And the deeper the relationship the worse it is. I would do pretty much anything for those I love, including facing some of my biggest fears. The word “busy” doesn’t even exist in my vocabulary when it comes to the people I love, I am always available to them. I love hard, so if we’ve reached this level of intensity, really good friends or even going as far as calling each other siblings, then the love I’m putting out is high and my expectations rise right along with it. That kind of intensity is hard to step back from. I try not to expect too much, but I can’t help it. I would drain myself dry for them and only ask for them to meet halfway in return. So when they aren’t returning that level of love that I believe our relationship requires, am I really expecting too much? Should I really love them less and expect less than the relationship label suggests? Just to make them more comfortable? Just so I don’t get hurt when they don’t meet my expectations? It may appear balanced on the outside, but in reality I’d just be pretending, so is that really any better?

I try really hard to make sure I treat my relationships as God intends. So if I’m treating our relationship as I believe God wants but they’re still a few levels behind, then is it possible it’s not me expecting too much, but that there’s a reason for the imbalance? Could it be possible my expectations are “too high” because theirs aren’t high enough? Sure, maybe I need to step down a few steps sometimes, but is it not also possible God is using the relationship to encourage them to step up a few? Maybe God wants me to share my testimony with them and expect them to share theirs, not to make them uncomfortable, but to encourage them to take ownership of their past and see how much they’ve grown. Perhaps I expect them to be there for me in my darkness to remind them to appreciate when someone’s there for them in theirs. Maybe me expecting honesty and loyalty is what it will take to remind them of how crucial those things are. Maybe I am led to pour out my love on them to encourage them to pour more love into others, and remind them that they are worthy of every ounce of love they receive. Maybe me expecting more from them is exactly what they need to realize they are capable of being the person I expect them to be, the best version of themselves, the person God has created them to be. Maybe me expecting more is what encourages them to be more.

So yea, maybe I am expecting too much sometimes, but sometimes maybe I’m expecting just enough. We should all be striving to grow together. To find some balance and push ourselves and others to be more like the people God created us to be, to be more like Jesus. We always can be more or less than what we are, but as long as we are moving towards God, we are just enough. So the next time I’m told that I’m too much, I’ll stop and make sure I’m doing what I believe God would want, then I’ll remember that, to God, I’m not too much or too little of anything. He is the one who created me and He doesn’t make mistakes. To Him, I am just enough. Even if that’s “too much” for everyone else.

Glow

 

Suddenly, as I sat there on the couch at my friend’s house, he was doing something in the kitchen; I started to see this… glow… about him. I know it sounds weird, absurd even, but I have a gift. A gift I believe God has given me. This gift has gotten me in trouble a few times but I also call it a blessing. There are times; sometimes right when I meet someone or maybe after we get to know each other a bit, when I get this feeling, deep in my heart, that I know who this person is. Really really know them. I can sense who God wants them to be, who God has created them to be. I can see the glow God has put inside of them, often times before they do. And knowing that can really play tricks on my mind and heart.

Imagine this. You have gone to the future and seen who someone will be; the person God has called them to be. They are thriving and happy and exactly where God wants them. But then you come back to the present and the person standing in front of you simply isn’t that person yet. So when they do something stupid, or hurtful, it catches you off guard because that’s not the person you thought you knew. “You’re not who I thought you were” takes on a whole new meaning… That happens to me quite often. And it’s tricky to make sure I don’t hold present day them to future them standards. If that makes sense…

For those of you who read my blog you have read I Fell In Love Once, well this particular gift was part of the reason I got myself in trouble. I fell in love with the guy he would become but I continued to be hurt by the boy he was at the time. God wasn’t done with him yet, he’s not done with any of us. We are all a work in progress. But sometimes that future person shows through. Sometimes I can see it as clear as day and sometimes its hidden in the dark. It tricks me into forgetting which version of them I’m dealing with. And it often drives me crazy when I can see it but they aren’t making an effort to let it shine through which usually leads to some… complicated arguments.

My point? God has a plan for all of us. And even as we fall short of that plan, there are people in our lives who see us for who God has created us to be. Some of them stand by us as we struggle to get there, while others are meant to give a nudge in the right direction before disappearing again. Be sensitive to those nudges. God won’t force you to do something, but He will put people in your path who will encourage you to follow him. They will see that glow in you and want nothing more than to watch it envelope you fully, lighting up your face with the joy only God can give. Don’t be afraid to let that light shine.

Empty Words

 I got really upset the other day when a good friend of mine had said “I wish I could help” when I was explaining how much I was struggling with something, with life in general really. “I wish I could help” something so simple and on the tip of so many tongues and yet, for me, it just set me off. I was having a really rough day, rough year if we’re being honest, and that phrase just hurt, for some reason it cut deep. Especially coming from someone close to me who has, and most certainly can, do more than just wish. Telling me, someone who felt like I was drowning “I wish I could help” was like blowing a dandelion over the water as I sunk beneath the waves. It was empty words. They meant nothing to me. I continued to drown.

I’ve had this problem with other words as well, and maybe you have too. “I’m Sorry” is a huge one. If someone apologizes over and over again, but still makes no effort to change the behavior they are apologizing for, then it’s meaningless. It can even get to the point that hearing the words “I’m sorry” can feel like a twisting of the knife. Trust has been lost and you just know the cycle is bound to repeat itself. Hurt is once again around the corner.

“I love you” is another big one. I’ve discussed this one before. Several times actually. Sadly “I love you” is misused more than any of us probably care to admit. Most of that is because it just becomes the thing to say whether we actually mean it or not. Some of it is also because, for some reason beyond my understanding, we only have one word for love in the English language where other languages have two, or several, to explain what kind of love they are discussing. Unfortunately the most common misuse of the word, making it meaningless, is saying it but not doing it. Love is an action. Saying “I love you” right after a big fight is fine, but going right back at it the next day, proving that love is far from true and unconditional, makes the words meaningless. Not only do they become empty of any real emotion, they become a form of manipulation. Someone tells you they love you of course you want to believe them. Even as they hurt you once again.

Then there are people who say “I’ll try” and then never make the effort. Or they tell you they’ll meet you but then stand you up. Saying “I forgive you” then continuing to hold whatever it was they supposedly forgave you for over your head. Promising to do something and then forgetting or just not doing it. In short, not keeping their word. And if we can’t manage to keep our word, something we almost have complete control over, then what does that say about us? Well it basically makes us liars since we’re essentially making promises we have no real intent on keeping. This goes the other way too. Not making promises because they know they can’t keep their word. That’s just as bad. “I’ll try” starts to compute in your head as “probably not, I just don’t want to hurt your feelings.” The words lose their meaning. They’re empty.

Words have meaning. They have action. They are anything but empty. I wasn’t upset with my friend for saying he wished he could help me. I believe he truly did wish he could help me. But at the time a wish was useless to me. It was empty words that made it seem like he was giving up before even trying. While in reality him just texting me good morning, telling me to get out of bed even as I complained, or sending me a song he likes to listen to when he’s stressed, was helping. He didn’t have to wish. He was helping by just being himself and doing what he had been doing all along. “Help” became an action rather than just a wish.

“I love you” is an action. “I’m sorry” is an action. “I forgive you” is an action. They aren’t just empty words. Don’t let them lose their meaning by misusing them. Keep your word. Mean what you say. And fill your words with all the emotion and action they deserve. Every word you say should be far from empty.