The Right Order

Today my parents are celebrating their 24th wedding anniversary. I'm honestly not sure if I know a single couple who loves one another as much as they do and as long as they have. That got me thinking about what makes a long lasting marriage and I realized, a lot of it, has to do with doing things in the right order. There is an order to things and when that order is followed it becomes much more likely that the relationship will last longer. People all have different ideas of what this "right order" is. And just so there are no misunderstandings, I’m not saying any one of them is either wrong or right. What I would like to do, though it will require revealing things about myself that I’m still not sure I want to share, is to share with you what my idea of the right order is.

I have a motto. I catch myself saying it over and over again. It is “friends before more than friends.” This means that I believe part of a strong romantic relationship is being good friends before you cross that line. If there is a strong friendship there before two people become romantically involved with each other then I believe it is much more likely that the relationship will stay strong. My parents were friends first. They tell me stories of all the fun things they did together before they were even dating. You hear about people saying they married their best friend and that’s why they are still together, well how could that happen if someone jumped into a romantic relationship before that lasting friendship was established? It can't. You can learn a lot about someone while just being friends. People aren’t afraid to show their true colors to a friend, whereas when trying to impress a girlfriend or boyfriend they’re on their best behavior.

So what about when a friendship becomes a romantic relationship? I personally don't believe in dating. I know I know, crazy right? But I have never seen the point in it. Why be in a romantic relationship with a whole bunch of guys when you're really only looking for one? And guys, this goes for you too. Do we really want to be with a whole bunch of people, only wasting time while waiting for the right one? I believe that when the time is right your one true love will come into your life. It may be a stranger, or a best friend from forever ago, but whoever it is they will come. We just need to be patient. So, I don't believe in dating. The only reason I see for dating is if you are considering marriage with this person. And I mean serious about marriage. I see it as the transition point between being friends and getting engaged. I know that society has a very different view on this subject than I do. I know you probably do too. And I am not trying to change your minds, I’m just sharing my thoughts.

So, dating. I have made a commitment to myself and to God that I will not kiss a guy until I am engaged to him. I know, unheard of right? You hear of kids having their first kiss at ten or maybe even younger. I pride myself on the fact that I haven't had mine. I am not afraid to admit it. It's a special event in someone’s life. Don't you want to save that special moment, that special kiss, for your future wife or husband? I want to be able to tell my children that my first kiss was with their father, not some guy I can't even remember the name of.

In my opinion society these days seems to have things in the wrong order. There are these unwritten rules for relationships that I personally see no point in. For example, a couple seems to think that a logical step in a relationship is moving in together. I honestly can't even comprehend why this makes any sense. Living together is a special thing that comes after marriage. There are better ways to really get to know someone than to live together. Being good friends first for example. If you have all of those special milestones before you're married then what happens when that jump is actually made?

So, now that I’ve put myself out there and probably contradicted everything society thinks is "normal" in a romantic relationship, maybe it will encourage you to take a step back and ponder your view on the subject. Whether you agree with me or not, it’s always a good idea to ponder your view on things every once in a while. Maybe it will change your view, maybe it won’t. And maybe it will help you get to your 24^th wedding anniversary.

Please feel free to comment and tell me what your idea of the “right order” is. I would love to know!

                           Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad!!!

My Lifeguard Walks On Water

June 12th 2011. Just over five years ago. On that day I officially became a lifeguard. It took a lot for me to get to that point. I've never been one to take on that kind of responsibility lightly. You are guarding people’s lives. Keeping them safe. Helping them if something does go wrong. It's a lot to put on a person. But five years ago I took on that responsibility. I became a lifeguard. And I am so glad I did. Now jump forward to June 12th 2016 and we find that on that day I officially became a lifeguard instructor. I am now not only responsible for guarding people’s lives at the pool, I am now responsible for teaching new lifeguards how to do that job. And I have to say, it’s a bit stressful.

Summer is now here and all the pools and beaches are opening. Seeing lifeguards will be the norm. And we will trust that these lifeguards know what they're doing and will keep us safe. It's so easy to trust someone in a lifeguard shirt. We don’t know who trained them, we don’t know if they remember everything they learned, we don’t know if they are having a bad day and aren’t paying attention, but yet we trust them with our lives without question. We tend to put so much trust in the human beings around us. But we're only human. We're flawed. Why do we find it to be so easy to trust other flawed humans, but yet we find it so hard to trust that one lifeguard who is not, and never will be, flawed?

The lifeguard I am referring to is the one who walks on water. Jesus. I think about how much responsibility I have and how much responsibility these young kids now have and I worry that when something goes wrong, will I, will they, respond correctly? We are only human after all. But we have to remember that the lifeguard on the deck is not the only one watching. And we need to trust that the other lifeguard, the one who walks on water, will watch over us and make sure we are safe.

Lifeguards have a lot of responsibility. I have great respect for a lifeguard who does their job well and you should too. But when you feel like you’re drowning in this crazy life, remember that it is important to trust other humans, but it is also important to trust Jesus. He is the lifeguard who will always be watching over you. And who doesn’t want someone who can walk on water to be their lifeguard?

 

Dandelions

The days are slowly getting warmer and summer is just around the corner. And summer means flowers. I was delighted to go outside today and find my green yard splashed with little dots of yellow. Yes. Those little yellow flowers that pop up where you don't want them. The ones people call weeds. But that weed is my favorite flower. And here’s why.

I find that this world is often dreary and has way too much darkness and sadness in it. It is lacking in color and light. Dandelions literally change that. They show up everywhere whether you put them there or not. They spread and multiply to where you least expect them. Where they are most needed. They add a little splash of color and bring a little light wherever they decide to pop up.

I like to compare people to flowers. Every one is a little different and we all thrive in different places. But too many of us tend to act like potted flowers, ones that stay where they are planted. We only let our light shine where we're put, where we're told to. But nowhere else. Far too few of us act like wild flowers or, even better, dandelions who show their light everywhere, even in the dreariest of places.

This world is in desperate need of some light. I think we should all strive to be like dandelions. We should strive to show our shining light wherever we go. And even though people may like to mow us down, and may even consider us weeds because we are not welcome there, we should not give up. And like dandelions we should pop right back up again. We need to stop only bringing light where we’re comfortable. We need to pop up everywhere and bring light to the whole world. And hopefully, like dandelions, our little light will spread and multiply through the people who see it.

And maybe now when you see that little yellow flower show up in your yard, you won’t be so quick to mow it down. Let it share it’s light with you.

Be a dandelion today and every day!

 

 

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Maintaining Friendships

I went for a walk today and came across an old cabin. It's falling apart. The roof is covered in moss, the windows are old, and all the wood is rotted. And I’m pretty sure there's a hole in the roof from when a tree fell on it in a storm a few years ago. And that’s only what I can see from the outside. I've never seen the owners there and they refuse to sell it. Soon it will reach the point of no return and it will be too late to try to fix it. Where am I going with this? It made me realize that friendships are like houses. And friendships that are not maintained can, and will, fall apart like that old cabin will.

People these days take friendships for granted. Maybe I’m weird, or maybe just old fashioned, but I take my friendships very seriously. And not just friendships, but relationships of any kind. I have seen more than my fair share of relationships fall apart and that makes me very much aware of when it's happening. Sometimes they just crumble all at once, like a storm completely destroying a house. And sometimes it happens slowly, just from lack of maintenance.

So what does it mean to maintain a relationship? It means that you can't just leave it for months and expect it to be exactly the same when you come back. I know some people have that special bond, that you can go forever without seeing each other; and then when you do, it's like no time has passed. But that is rare. And that depends on how strong your bond is before that long time passes. It depends on how strong the house is before you leave and how long you leave it.

Maintaining a relationship also means that when things do start falling apart you both need to decide it's worth fixing. And then fix it. If too many things start falling apart then eventually it will reach the point of no return. However, a friendship is never completely beyond hope if both people agree to rebuild it.

So how do you fix those things before it's too late?

Talk. Talk it through. We are only human. We can't read minds. Your friend will never know what you're really thinking without you telling them. A nice long conversation is always a good idea. If you refuse to tell your friend anything, whether it's your feelings or just things about yourself, the friendship isn't going to go very far. There's only so many things we can avoid and ignore before there's nothing to talk about.

Listen. Listen to what your friend is telling you. Really pay attention and listen, not just hear, what they are saying. A friendship is a two way street. If you expect your friend to really listen when you talk, you should be doing the same for them.

And do something. Sometimes words are not enough. Physically doing something will mean so much more. Doing things for and with each other shows that you are willing to sacrifice the time and energy for them. It shows how much they mean to you. Plus, it’s an opportunity to make more memories with each other. I don’t know about you, but I believe a friendship needs to be more than just texts and phone calls. Physically seeing each other and just spending time together is what makes all the difference.

The secret to having a good friend is being a good friend. You both need to maintain the friendship. You can't just take it for granted and expect it not to fall apart. Life happens and storms come. We can't stop every storm. But we can try to fix the damage.