Maintaining Friendships

I went for a walk today and came across an old cabin. It's falling apart. The roof is covered in moss, the windows are old, and all the wood is rotted. And I’m pretty sure there's a hole in the roof from when a tree fell on it in a storm a few years ago. And that’s only what I can see from the outside. I've never seen the owners there and they refuse to sell it. Soon it will reach the point of no return and it will be too late to try to fix it. Where am I going with this? It made me realize that friendships are like houses. And friendships that are not maintained can, and will, fall apart like that old cabin will.

People these days take friendships for granted. Maybe I’m weird, or maybe just old fashioned, but I take my friendships very seriously. And not just friendships, but relationships of any kind. I have seen more than my fair share of relationships fall apart and that makes me very much aware of when it's happening. Sometimes they just crumble all at once, like a storm completely destroying a house. And sometimes it happens slowly, just from lack of maintenance.

So what does it mean to maintain a relationship? It means that you can't just leave it for months and expect it to be exactly the same when you come back. I know some people have that special bond, that you can go forever without seeing each other; and then when you do, it's like no time has passed. But that is rare. And that depends on how strong your bond is before that long time passes. It depends on how strong the house is before you leave and how long you leave it.

Maintaining a relationship also means that when things do start falling apart you both need to decide it's worth fixing. And then fix it. If too many things start falling apart then eventually it will reach the point of no return. However, a friendship is never completely beyond hope if both people agree to rebuild it.

So how do you fix those things before it's too late?

Talk. Talk it through. We are only human. We can't read minds. Your friend will never know what you're really thinking without you telling them. A nice long conversation is always a good idea. If you refuse to tell your friend anything, whether it's your feelings or just things about yourself, the friendship isn't going to go very far. There's only so many things we can avoid and ignore before there's nothing to talk about.

Listen. Listen to what your friend is telling you. Really pay attention and listen, not just hear, what they are saying. A friendship is a two way street. If you expect your friend to really listen when you talk, you should be doing the same for them.

And do something. Sometimes words are not enough. Physically doing something will mean so much more. Doing things for and with each other shows that you are willing to sacrifice the time and energy for them. It shows how much they mean to you. Plus, it’s an opportunity to make more memories with each other. I don’t know about you, but I believe a friendship needs to be more than just texts and phone calls. Physically seeing each other and just spending time together is what makes all the difference.

The secret to having a good friend is being a good friend. You both need to maintain the friendship. You can't just take it for granted and expect it not to fall apart. Life happens and storms come. We can't stop every storm. But we can try to fix the damage.