The Right Order

Today my parents are celebrating their 24th wedding anniversary. I'm honestly not sure if I know a single couple who loves one another as much as they do and as long as they have. That got me thinking about what makes a long lasting marriage and I realized, a lot of it, has to do with doing things in the right order. There is an order to things and when that order is followed it becomes much more likely that the relationship will last longer. People all have different ideas of what this "right order" is. And just so there are no misunderstandings, I’m not saying any one of them is either wrong or right. What I would like to do, though it will require revealing things about myself that I’m still not sure I want to share, is to share with you what my idea of the right order is.

I have a motto. I catch myself saying it over and over again. It is “friends before more than friends.” This means that I believe part of a strong romantic relationship is being good friends before you cross that line. If there is a strong friendship there before two people become romantically involved with each other then I believe it is much more likely that the relationship will stay strong. My parents were friends first. They tell me stories of all the fun things they did together before they were even dating. You hear about people saying they married their best friend and that’s why they are still together, well how could that happen if someone jumped into a romantic relationship before that lasting friendship was established? It can't. You can learn a lot about someone while just being friends. People aren’t afraid to show their true colors to a friend, whereas when trying to impress a girlfriend or boyfriend they’re on their best behavior.

So what about when a friendship becomes a romantic relationship? I personally don't believe in dating. I know I know, crazy right? But I have never seen the point in it. Why be in a romantic relationship with a whole bunch of guys when you're really only looking for one? And guys, this goes for you too. Do we really want to be with a whole bunch of people, only wasting time while waiting for the right one? I believe that when the time is right your one true love will come into your life. It may be a stranger, or a best friend from forever ago, but whoever it is they will come. We just need to be patient. So, I don't believe in dating. The only reason I see for dating is if you are considering marriage with this person. And I mean serious about marriage. I see it as the transition point between being friends and getting engaged. I know that society has a very different view on this subject than I do. I know you probably do too. And I am not trying to change your minds, I’m just sharing my thoughts.

So, dating. I have made a commitment to myself and to God that I will not kiss a guy until I am engaged to him. I know, unheard of right? You hear of kids having their first kiss at ten or maybe even younger. I pride myself on the fact that I haven't had mine. I am not afraid to admit it. It's a special event in someone’s life. Don't you want to save that special moment, that special kiss, for your future wife or husband? I want to be able to tell my children that my first kiss was with their father, not some guy I can't even remember the name of.

In my opinion society these days seems to have things in the wrong order. There are these unwritten rules for relationships that I personally see no point in. For example, a couple seems to think that a logical step in a relationship is moving in together. I honestly can't even comprehend why this makes any sense. Living together is a special thing that comes after marriage. There are better ways to really get to know someone than to live together. Being good friends first for example. If you have all of those special milestones before you're married then what happens when that jump is actually made?

So, now that I’ve put myself out there and probably contradicted everything society thinks is "normal" in a romantic relationship, maybe it will encourage you to take a step back and ponder your view on the subject. Whether you agree with me or not, it’s always a good idea to ponder your view on things every once in a while. Maybe it will change your view, maybe it won’t. And maybe it will help you get to your 24^th wedding anniversary.

Please feel free to comment and tell me what your idea of the “right order” is. I would love to know!

                           Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad!!!