I was talking to a friend a while
ago about boundaries and improving ourselves and we ended up on the topic of
drinking. I don’t drink but I have lots of friends who do and this piece of
advice got stuck in my head.
Don’t drink to make your day
better, only drink to make your day even better.
Meaning don’t expect a drink to
make all your problems go away, instead use it as a way to enjoy the life you
already have. That way it’s less likely to become a crutch and an addiction and
instead something you can just enjoy as it is meant to be.
It occurred to me today that this
philosophy can be used for a lot of other things too. Mainly our search for our
future wife or husband. Yup, my fellow single people I’m talking to you (including
myself, trust me I struggle with this too) I end up in this conversation with a
lot of different people. Discussing the misconception of when you find “The One”
they will “complete you” like it’s a missing piece that you won’t be whole
without. The idea that you’re your best self when that other person is there so
there’s no way you can be that person without them. So why try? However, that
way of thinking can be incredibly unhealthy and unproductive.
Don’t date someone to make your
life better, only date someone to make your life even better.
So, let’s break that down shall we?
Don’t date someone to make your life better.
Don’t date someone just because
they make you happy in the moment, or give you the ambition to keep your house
clean, or stop that nasty habit you’ve got. That is an unfair burden to put on
them. Right from the start you are putting them in a position of being your
savior rather than your partner. Yea, we all come into a relationship with
baggage and things to work through, but to come into it expecting them to be
the one who finally gets you through it is an unfair expectation. God is the
one who is meant to help you through it. Can your other relationships inspire and
support you through that change? Of course. I believe God puts people in our
lives for that very purpose. But God is ultimately the one you should be asking
for healing.
Only date someone to make your life
even better.
EVEN BETTER. Well, in order to make
your life even better your life has got to be good already right? Now that’s
not saying your life is perfect and you have no issues. Instead I mean that in
a way of where you are headed. Are you headed in the direction God has called
you to go? Or are you still finding yourself wandering off? Are you growing
into the person God wants you to be? Or are you still not sure who you are? Are
you wrestling with some demons? Or do you have that under control? Are you
still ignoring your pain or are you allowing God to heal you? If you aren’t
secure in who you are then why would it be a good idea to bring someone else
into that? Especially if they don’t know who they are either. Not to mention if
you don’t know where you’re going then how do you know their path even leads in
the same direction? I am a strong believer that if you are on the path God
wants you on, and are making strides to be the person He has called you to be,
then in His timing the person you are supposed to be with will end up on the
same path as you. Your life is pretty good (not easy, good) if you’re where God
wants you. Only then would having someone else enter the picture make it even
better.
So, where are you in your walk? Are
you growing into who you are supposed to be yet? Is it possible that the reason
you haven’t found the right one yet is because they are where God wants them to
be but you’re not? Or vice versa? My advice to all you fellow single people out
there is this (take it or leave it) strive to be the best version of yourself
you can be. All the time. Deal with those issues you’ve been struggling with
and let yourself heal. Make yourself better for yourself and for God, don’t
wait for someone else to do it for you. Walk the path God has for you and let
Him decide when you’re ready for your life to get EVEN BETTER.
