Boyfriends And Girlfriends

"Everyone's got a girlfriend or boyfriend" says the frustrated 15 year old boy sitting next to me. He was referring to how many of the kids he knows have recently gotten into relationships while he, being older, still hadn't. "I'm 21 and have never had a boyfriend, and there's nothing wrong with that" I assured him. I went on to ask if he wanted one and he said no, but he still feels left out. I believe my view on dating is pretty well known by now, so it shouldn't be a surprise that it concerns me that all of these young people I know are already dating, or want to be. Especially when, more than likely, the only reason they're dating is because they'll feel left out otherwise, or it’s just “nice” to be in a relationship. But they're just kids! Why are they in such a hurry to grow up?

Now, I get it, I was their age once too. I would be lying if I said I didn't want a boyfriend when I was their age. But why such urgency? Why so young? There are so many reasons I’m thankful I was homeschooled, and this happens to be one of them. I wasn’t surrounded by a school full of "available" guys growing up. And I wasn’t surrounded with the peer pressure encouraging me to be like everyone else and have a boyfriend. Now that doesn’t mean I wasn’t thinking about it, it just means I didn't have the ability to act on it. And I am so thankful for that.

My first crush (my first one on an actual person, not tv character, that is) was on a guy my mom worked with. He drove me crazy and I didn't even like him that much. He just happened to be the only guy "available" when my view on guys "matured" from them being annoying to them being cute. I came to find out he wasn't really available anyway. He had a girlfriend who he is still with to this day many years later. And you know what? I laugh about it now. I wasn’t heartbroken, I never really cared. I'm happy for him. I enjoyed the time we spent working together and that's all that mattered. I was only interested in him because I felt like it would be nice to have a boyfriend so I picked one. But it scares me to think of what would’ve happened if he wasn’t the only available guy when I was in that stage of life.

I successfully made it through being a teenager without having a boyfriend. And I’m proud of that. I’ve had my heart broken by too many people to add a boyfriend to that list. Especially when I was so young. I'm a very emotional person and I get attached to people very easily. Jumping into an intimate relationship at such a young age, and probably having it fall apart because it would’ve been for the wrong reasons (to fit in and craving attention), would’ve crushed me. I would’ve been so consumed with making it work, or the fact that it didn’t, that I wouldn’t spend any time just being a kid. Figuring out who I was and who I wanted to be. I would always be concerned with making sure he was happy instead of making sure I was. And I probably wouldn’t have spent as much time on my writing as I did either. I would’ve grown up far too fast and, therefore, wouldn’t be the girl I am today.

I can only speak for myself when I say I was nowhere near mature enough to have a boyfriend at 15, and I know people who are in relationships even younger than that. Being in a relationship simply for the fear of feeling left out, or because it would be “nice,” is no reason to be in one. Not for me. When someone tells me they want a boyfriend or girlfriend I’m going to ask them one simple question: Why do you want one? I ask myself the same question every time I think about how I’d like to have one. My answer? My only reason for having a boyfriend will be because God showed me I’m going to marry him someday. If that’s not the case with a particular guy, then I’m not going to date him. I was far too immature and naïve at 15 to figure that out, I am so thankful God protected me from the temptation.

I’m glad I didn’t have a boyfriend when I was a teenager. It gave me the chance to really enjoy all the other things being a teenager has to offer. And I will probably look back at my life in five years or so and be glad I still don’t have a boyfriend now. I find peace in knowing that the perfect guy for me is out there and God will show me who it is when the time is right. In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy the stage of life I'm in right now, boyfriend or not. How about you?