Today my parents are celebrating their 24th wedding
anniversary. I'm honestly not sure if I know a single couple who loves one
another as much as they do and as long as they have. That got me thinking about
what makes a long lasting marriage and I realized, a lot of it, has to do with
doing things in the right order. There is an order to things and when that
order is followed it becomes much more likely that the relationship will last
longer. People all have different ideas of what this "right order"
is. And just so there are no misunderstandings, I’m not saying any one of them
is either wrong or right. What I would like to do, though it will require
revealing things about myself that I’m still not sure I want to share, is to share
with you what my idea of the right order is.
I have a motto. I catch myself saying it over and over again.
It is “friends before more than friends.” This means that I believe part of a
strong romantic relationship is being good friends before you cross that line.
If there is a strong friendship there before two people become romantically
involved with each other then I believe it is much more likely that the
relationship will stay strong. My parents were friends first. They tell me
stories of all the fun things they did together before they were even dating. You
hear about people saying they married their best friend and that’s why they are
still together, well how could that happen if someone jumped into a romantic
relationship before that lasting friendship was established? It can't. You can
learn a lot about someone while just being friends. People aren’t afraid to
show their true colors to a friend, whereas when trying to impress a girlfriend
or boyfriend they’re on their best behavior.
So what about when a friendship becomes a romantic
relationship? I personally don't believe in dating. I know I know, crazy right?
But I have never seen the point in it. Why be in a romantic relationship with a
whole bunch of guys when you're really only looking for one? And guys, this
goes for you too. Do we really want to be with a whole bunch of people, only wasting
time while waiting for the right one? I believe that when the time is right
your one true love will come into your life. It may be a stranger, or a best friend
from forever ago, but whoever it is they will come. We just need to be patient.
So, I don't believe in dating. The only reason I see for dating is if you are
considering marriage with this person. And I mean serious about marriage. I see
it as the transition point between being friends and getting engaged. I know that
society has a very different view on this subject than I do. I know you
probably do too. And I am not trying to change your minds, I’m just sharing my
thoughts.
So, dating. I have made a commitment to myself and to God
that I will not kiss a guy until I am engaged to him. I know, unheard of right?
You hear of kids having their first kiss at ten or maybe even younger. I pride
myself on the fact that I haven't had mine. I am not afraid to admit it. It's a
special event in someone’s life. Don't you want to save that special moment,
that special kiss, for your future wife or husband? I want to be able to tell
my children that my first kiss was with their father, not some guy I can't even
remember the name of.
In my opinion society these days seems to have things in the
wrong order. There are these unwritten rules for relationships that I
personally see no point in. For example, a couple seems to think that a logical
step in a relationship is moving in together. I honestly can't even comprehend
why this makes any sense. Living together is a special thing that comes after
marriage. There are better ways to really get to know someone than to live
together. Being good friends first for example. If you have all of those
special milestones before you're married then what happens when that jump is
actually made?
So, now that I’ve put myself out there and probably
contradicted everything society thinks is "normal" in a romantic
relationship, maybe it will encourage you to take a step back and ponder your
view on the subject. Whether you agree with me or not, it’s always a good idea
to ponder your view on things every once in a while. Maybe it will change your
view, maybe it won’t. And maybe it will help you get to your 24th
wedding anniversary.
Please feel free to comment and tell me what your idea of the
“right order” is. I would love to know!
Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad!!!
