Life's a Circus

The day began with a dream about a circus. Some friends and I were putting together a circus. Nothing crazy, just a few acts. But we hadn't even picked the music, costumes, or choreographed any thing before mom was inviting people and literally selling tickets to people we didn't even know. I kept trying to tell her that we weren't ready yet. But She wouldn't listen. She jumped ahead of herself, just like so many of us do these days.

Before I explain my point, perhaps I should explain why I would have a dream about putting on a circus in the first place. So, why would I have a dream about putting on a circus? It does seem like a strange thing to dream about. But not for me. When I wasn’t much younger than I am now, my sister and I, and occasionally some other friends, would put together a circus over the summer. We would pick songs and put together acts. Gymnastics, dance routines, clown acts, hula hooping, lion taming. It was crazy the things we would come up with. Then, on the day of the big performance we were all excited. The tickets were sold, the guests were taking their seats, and after weeks of planning and practicing the circus was about to begin. But let’s back up a bit. None of that can happen properly if the guests arrive before any of that practicing and planning is done like what happened in my dream. Everything must go in the correct order.

A lot of work and preparation goes into a performance. You need to find the performers and an announcer,  figure out acts and music, choreograph the acts, put together costumes, choosing the right order for the acts so that no one has too many acts in a row, and then hours and hours of practicing, deciding when it's going to take place, “selling” tickets. Then, after all that, is when you can have the performance. It takes a lot of work. You can’t have the performance before you do any of the planning. Well, you could, but it wouldn’t be a very good performance. So then why am I so impatient to get to the big performances in my life before I do the rest? 

Life is like a circus. We all have a series of big performances in our lives. From learning to walk to getting married, life is full of both little and big performances. Main acts and sideshows. But those performances don’t just happen. Every one requires a lot of planning beforehand. Before you can walk you need to crawl. Before you can get married you need to plan the wedding. Some take only a little planning and some take years of planning and preparation. Recently I have been having trouble doing the little things that come before the big performance. I find it to be tedious and I just want the big day to come already. But, just like those circuses we would put on when we were little, everything must be done in the right order. I need to plan, practice, and prepare for the big performance that is to come.

I do love the planning that goes into the circus performance. So I should enjoy the planning and practicing that comes in life. All the little things that come before the big changes. The big performances. Because life is a circus. And sometimes the performance doesn’t go as planned, like when we forgot an important prop for one of our circus acts and had to pause the whole show, but if it wasn’t for the hours and hours of preparation that goes on behind the curtain, then the show would have been an even bigger disaster than that. We would have forgotten much more than just the goldfish crackers. So remember that the preparation is what is done behind the scenes to make the performance fantastic. Don’t jump ahead of yourself like I’ve been doing recently. Enjoy all the hard work that goes into making that performance a success. Because that feeling that you get when you take your final bow after a lot of hard work is so much sweeter than when you jump ahead of yourself and expect it to all fall into place on its own.

Life’s a circus. So enjoy the show. And everything that goes into making that show possible.

 

 

 

 

 

The Definition of a Friend

Friends. I’ve been thinking a lot about friends recently and how at times it seems I don’t have any. So when a friend of mine took the time to send me a Facebook message a few weeks ago making sure I knew how much he appreciated my friendship, I was touched. And intrigued. I began thinking about who a friend really is.

What is a friend? What does the word "friend" even mean? The official dictionary definition is "a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection" Yes, that may be true. But what does the word "friend" mean to you? We all say we have friends, or sometimes that we don't have any friends. There are different levels of friends, different labels that society has put on relationships. There are strangers, then acquaintances, people you work with, people you go to school with. And somewhere along the line you start labeling people as friends, just friends, good friends, best friends, more than friends. There are endless categories to define relationships. But every one of those categories means something different to every person. Everyone has a different definition for who a friend is to them. Is it someone who is always there for you no matter what? Or is it someone who is always ready to laugh at your jokes? Someone who knows what your favorite movies are? Someone who just bothers to say hi to you in the hallway? Or is it someone who just asks you to be their friend on Facebook?

The word “friend” has come to mean anything from someone you barely know who just happens to be your friend on Facebook, to someone you tell everything to. It is amazing how many meanings one word can have. What is important is that you know what the word means to you, and that your friends know the same. Because there are many different levels, and everyone chooses a different quality that their definition of a friend would have. It is important that everyone is on the same page when it comes to the meaning of the word.

So, what is my definition of a friend? Well, My definition of a friend is someone who isn't afraid to tell me the truth when I do something wrong, but at the same time would be sympathetic and try to help me through the mess I got myself into. Someone who would be there for me when I need it most, but also when I’m just looking for someone to hang out with. Someone who, not only shows that they are my friend by making an effort to stay in my life, but will also come out and tell me that they want to be my friend. Someone who wants to be my friend and isn’t afraid to admit it.

These may seem like high expectations, but is it a bad thing to have high expectations when it comes to our relationships? The problem comes when we do not live up to our own expectations. If you expect your friend to be there for you in your time of need, you should be ready and willing to be there for them in theirs. It is also important that you both know where you stand with each other. My friend helped me understand this by saying that he appreciates my friendship. I then told him much the same thing. It’s mutual, much like the dictionary definition, "a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection." Make sure your friends know what they mean to you today.

Everyone has a different definition for the word “friend.” What is your definition of a friend? Tell me in the comments!

   

 

Life Coach

“Thank you” she said as she handed me a Dunkin’ Donuts gift card. It was our last night of swimming lessons and the mother of one of the little swimmers in level one decided she needed to thank us for spending some extra time with her scared son. Then she continued on saying that she had asked him if he remembered our names and he had said “well, there’s Miss Jessica. She’s our life coach” we all laughed, he confused a life coach with a lifeguard. But then I stopped because, little did he know how accurate he actually was. I don’t claim to be the go to person to talk to about your problems. I don’t claim to have all the answers. But I do strive to be a good friend and that is almost the same thing. I started thinking about it and realized we are all life coaches in one way or another, or at least we should be, even if we don’t claim the title.

A life coach’s job is to be there to help someone through their problems. This job should be everyone’s job. We were not put on this earth to live alone. Whether you are a grandparent, a parent, a brother or sister, a mentor, or a good friend, you are someone’s life coach. You are the person who is there for them when they need you most. And if you need help, they will be there for you too. It doesn’t always work this way, especially in today’s society where people expect help but don’t want to give any. We need to change that.

Whether you call yourself a “life coach” or not, you should always be there for the people in your life who need you. Everyone has problems and we do have the ability to fix them or help them through them. Whether you give advice, or you are the shoulder to cry on, or the encourager of a much needed laugh, or are the person to talk to, you are acting as a kind of life coach. Whether you sacrifice your time to a late night conversation, simply let someone know you’re thinking of them through a quick text, or give some extra time to a scared swimmer, just being there is the best way to be a good life coach. This life is hard. Everyone has problems. We must all help each other through this difficult life. I suggest you go be someone’s life coach today. Let them know you’re there for them. We weren’t meant to get through this life alone.

Hakuna Matata

"Hakuna Matata" we all know the phrase. "It means no worries, for the rest of your days" But it's not that easy. Is it? It can be. At least that's what everyone keeps telling me.

I was sitting in a field on a warm fall day when Hakuna Matata came on my Pandora station. That got me thinking. Can it be true? Can it be that easy? Can I simply decide to have no worries and be optimistic? Now, sitting here in March, impatiently waiting for the snow to melt already, the thought occurred to me again. Can I just decide to be optimistic? And have it actually work?

Here is what it comes down to. Happiness is a conscious choice. You may think that it is involuntary, it just happens. But it's not. You can choose to be happy or sad. Angry or pleased. It is all how you see the world. How you choose to see the world.

I have to admit, I can be pessimistic at times, see the worst in everything. I admit that I have been just that for most of this winter, along with many others I know. But I also know how to be positive, and it is hard, but possible. It can be done, it just takes a lot of practice and willpower.

There are many ways to force yourself into a positive attitude. For example, when I catch myself being pessimistic, I force myself to think of something positive. Just one positive thing that happened that day. Even on the worst day ever, there is always something good to take from it. It can be really small, but it will be there. And if you can find that one good thing it will make all the difference. Once I find that one thing, before I know it I find more good things. The list begins to grow. Day by day I become more optimistic and less pessimistic.

If this isn’t enough, I also like to do my favorite thing in the world. I write. Whether getting my feelings out on paper, or using my imagination to create a new story, writing always has a way of putting me in a better mood.

Sometimes, I literally force myself to laugh. Watch a funny movie or TV show, start a conversation with someone who always makes me laugh. Whatever it is, as long as it gets me laughing it’s worth it. When they say “laughter is the best medicine” they aren’t kidding.

Finally, I like to listen and/or sing positive music. Such as Hakuna Matata of course! This rarely fails to put me in a better mood.

I have tried all of these things during this winter that seems to be going on forever. It’s a slow process, I admit, but it is working. And I know if I keep at it, it will become easier and easier to stay positive.

Happiness is a choice. You can choose to be happy. As time goes on it takes less and less work to do so. These are merely a few ways I like to stay positive, what do you do to put yourself into a better mood? Let me know in the comments! Hakuna Matata!