Too Much

I’m often told I’m too much. Too sensitive, too picky, too emotional, too much of a perfectionist, and that I expect too much from other people. I may be all of those things, and I don’t mind, except for that last one. That last one really bugs me. Is it really expecting too much for those I have a relationship with to put in an equal amount as I do? Is it really too much to hope that they will love me half as much as I love them? Is it too much to expect them to grow into who God created them to be? Is it possible that I just love everyone too much? Or am I expecting “too much” because they’re not giving enough?

All relationships rely on balance. In an effort to keep that balance, I tend to label my relationships. I do that so I can be careful of how much I should be putting in and how much I should be expecting to get out of the relationship. As long as I know what category they fall into, I am pretty good at managing my expectations and keeping that balance. As the relationship grows, and those expectations and effort grow along with it, the balance can become a little difficult. But as long as both people have the same definition for what the relationship is, there shouldn’t be a problem. If your definition of what a friend, sibling, significant other, or whatever you label the relationship as is different, however, then issues will start to arise. If the relationship means something different to each of you, then naturally you will be expecting different things and putting in different amounts of effort. If someone expects more they may be investing more to match that expectation, while the other may be expecting less and therefor giving less, creating a drastic loss of balance. Knowing your definition for each kind of relationship is crucial when trying to keep the balance between expectations and effort.

I know that I can expect a lot sometimes, and I am working on that, but people are so quick to remind me of that fact without stopping to ask why that is. I am completely capable of managing my expectations and having mutual relationships, but sometimes that balance gets disrupted despite my best efforts to avoid it. When I get in the most trouble is when I let my heart take control of the relationship. I love people easily, and when I love I love hard, so if I’ve been friends with someone for a while I am bound to get ahead of myself and bring the relationship to a higher level before its ready. I start putting in more than the other person is ready to give back and it makes me wonder if they care about the relationship as much as I do. When, in reality, I was the one who gave the relationship a premature promotion, raising the expectation before its time. With a reality check on my part, I can usually bring those expectations back into balance without them even knowing what happened, but it still can cause issues. I still love them, so do I really have to pretend I don’t just to make them more comfortable?

It’s hard enough to take a step back on my own when I realize I jumped up a level prematurely, but what if you agreed on a label thinking you both understood what it meant, only to find yourselves with drastically different expectations? And the deeper the relationship the worse it is. I would do pretty much anything for those I love, including facing some of my biggest fears. The word “busy” doesn’t even exist in my vocabulary when it comes to the people I love, I am always available to them. I love hard, so if we’ve reached this level of intensity, really good friends or even going as far as calling each other siblings, then the love I’m putting out is high and my expectations rise right along with it. That kind of intensity is hard to step back from. I try not to expect too much, but I can’t help it. I would drain myself dry for them and only ask for them to meet halfway in return. So when they aren’t returning that level of love that I believe our relationship requires, am I really expecting too much? Should I really love them less and expect less than the relationship label suggests? Just to make them more comfortable? Just so I don’t get hurt when they don’t meet my expectations? It may appear balanced on the outside, but in reality I’d just be pretending, so is that really any better?

I try really hard to make sure I treat my relationships as God intends. So if I’m treating our relationship as I believe God wants but they’re still a few levels behind, then is it possible it’s not me expecting too much, but that there’s a reason for the imbalance? Could it be possible my expectations are “too high” because theirs aren’t high enough? Sure, maybe I need to step down a few steps sometimes, but is it not also possible God is using the relationship to encourage them to step up a few? Maybe God wants me to share my testimony with them and expect them to share theirs, not to make them uncomfortable, but to encourage them to take ownership of their past and see how much they’ve grown. Perhaps I expect them to be there for me in my darkness to remind them to appreciate when someone’s there for them in theirs. Maybe me expecting honesty and loyalty is what it will take to remind them of how crucial those things are. Maybe I am led to pour out my love on them to encourage them to pour more love into others, and remind them that they are worthy of every ounce of love they receive. Maybe me expecting more from them is exactly what they need to realize they are capable of being the person I expect them to be, the best version of themselves, the person God has created them to be. Maybe me expecting more is what encourages them to be more.

So yea, maybe I am expecting too much sometimes, but sometimes maybe I’m expecting just enough. We should all be striving to grow together. To find some balance and push ourselves and others to be more like the people God created us to be, to be more like Jesus. We always can be more or less than what we are, but as long as we are moving towards God, we are just enough. So the next time I’m told that I’m too much, I’ll stop and make sure I’m doing what I believe God would want, then I’ll remember that, to God, I’m not too much or too little of anything. He is the one who created me and He doesn’t make mistakes. To Him, I am just enough. Even if that’s “too much” for everyone else.