I got really upset the other day when a good friend of mine had said “I wish I could help” when I was explaining how much I was struggling with something, with life in general really. “I wish I could help” something so simple and on the tip of so many tongues and yet, for me, it just set me off. I was having a really rough day, rough year if we’re being honest, and that phrase just hurt, for some reason it cut deep. Especially coming from someone close to me who has, and most certainly can, do more than just wish. Telling me, someone who felt like I was drowning “I wish I could help” was like blowing a dandelion over the water as I sunk beneath the waves. It was empty words. They meant nothing to me. I continued to drown.
I’ve had this problem with other
words as well, and maybe you have too. “I’m Sorry” is a huge one. If someone
apologizes over and over again, but still makes no effort to change the
behavior they are apologizing for, then it’s meaningless. It can even get to
the point that hearing the words “I’m sorry” can feel like a twisting of the
knife. Trust has been lost and you just know the cycle is bound to repeat
itself. Hurt is once again around the corner.
“I love you” is another big one.
I’ve discussed this one before. Several times actually. Sadly “I love you” is
misused more than any of us probably care to admit. Most of that is because it
just becomes the thing to say whether we actually mean it or not. Some of it is
also because, for some reason beyond my understanding, we only have one word
for love in the English language where other languages have two, or several, to
explain what kind of love they are discussing. Unfortunately the most common
misuse of the word, making it meaningless, is saying it but not doing it. Love
is an action. Saying “I love you” right after a big fight is fine, but going
right back at it the next day, proving that love is far from true and
unconditional, makes the words meaningless. Not only do they become empty of
any real emotion, they become a form of manipulation. Someone tells you they
love you of course you want to believe them. Even as they hurt you once again.
Then there are people who say “I’ll
try” and then never make the effort. Or they tell you they’ll meet you but then
stand you up. Saying “I forgive you” then continuing to hold whatever it was
they supposedly forgave you for over your head. Promising to do something and
then forgetting or just not doing it. In short, not keeping their word. And if
we can’t manage to keep our word, something we almost have complete control
over, then what does that say about us? Well it basically makes us liars since
we’re essentially making promises we have no real intent on keeping. This goes
the other way too. Not making promises because they know they can’t keep their
word. That’s just as bad. “I’ll try” starts to compute in your head as
“probably not, I just don’t want to hurt your feelings.” The words lose their
meaning. They’re empty.
Words have meaning. They have
action. They are anything but empty. I wasn’t upset with my friend for saying
he wished he could help me. I believe he truly did wish he could help me. But
at the time a wish was useless to me. It was empty words that made it seem like
he was giving up before even trying. While in reality him just texting me good
morning, telling me to get out of bed even as I complained, or sending me a
song he likes to listen to when he’s stressed, was helping. He didn’t have to
wish. He was helping by just being himself and doing what he had been doing all
along. “Help” became an action rather than just a wish.
“I love you” is an action. “I’m
sorry” is an action. “I forgive you” is an action. They aren’t just empty
words. Don’t let them lose their meaning by misusing them. Keep your word. Mean
what you say. And fill your words with all the emotion and action they deserve.
Every word you say should be far from empty.
